Written by Jenna, Edited by Jess
Reflecting back on my undergraduate life, I definitely had moments of living in the “should” space. I thought I should major in Economics, because that felt smart. Practical. Relevant to society. My friends were doing it. So that’s what I declared.
Were the Economics classes the ones I really wanted to take? Looking back, not really.
But… Introduction to Television Studies? I was so stoked for that class. Actively participated. Actually enjoyed writing the midterm paper. Theories of Microeconomics? I wasn’t racing to get a front row seat. Usually hid in the back. Eyes glazed over while doing homework as I re-read the same paragraph three times in a row.
If only I had Jess’s mantra of “Pay Attention to What You Pay Attention To” back then, I probably would’ve realized much earlier in life that these were important clues!
Why is it that we let the “should-isms” take hold and drive our direction?
Maybe to meet societal expectations. To sound impressive. To seek approval. To appease someone else. But leaning into the “shoulds” often means going against the quiet tug pulling us toward something more aligned with our authentic selves.
We often see this very normal should vs. want conundrum bubble up in our work:
“I should go to that event.”
“I should apply for that position.”
Whenever we hear a “should” in joint coaching sessions, Jess and I usually exchange a look as our inner beepers are simultaneously going off. And the question that immediately follows is: But what do you really want?
Because honoring - or even just creating space to consider - what you truly want is more than okay. It is powerful!
📝 Next Step:
Write down three recent “shoulds” that have been bouncing around in your brain.
Then rewrite each one starting with “I want to…” or “I feel good about…” Notice what changes. How does your gut feel? Which ones feel more aligned?